DISCLAIMER: This post contains explicit language.
And in the word’s of Issa is “Messy as F*ck”.
I know some of y’all are happy, even cheering on Twitter for Lawrence after the Season 1 finale of Insecure, but guess what… I’m not here for Lawrence. And let’s be clear — Issa is wrong for cheating and lying about it, but what Lawrence did in episode 8 is much worst.
In the season finale of Insecure, Issa heads to Malibu with her friends for the weekend while Lawrence decides to stay in LA and vents with his boys. We see Issa trying desperately to make-up with Lawrence after he learns that she slept with Daniel. Lawrence isn’t ready to forgive her and hasn’t communicated with Issa in three days. Throughout the episode, Lawrence is trying to work through his pain — fast forward to the end – he’s f*cking “ChaseHoe” aka Tasha face down, ass up (see “Insecuretea” for reference).
Now, I have a major problem with this because Lawrence is only smashing her as revenge sex. In my book, that is much worse that what Issa did to Lawrence. To clarify, revenge sex is when someone is having sex for the sole purpose of hurting someone else. In Lawrence’s case: His ego is hurt. He wants to hurt Issa back. It’s revenge sex.
He was tired of being the good guy. In an early scene, Chad calls him a “R&B-singin’ all in yo’ feelings type nigga” which triggers his ego to resist against the “good guy” label. The thing is… he is a good guy! Molly knows it, Tasha knows it, and even the stripper giving him a lap dance knows it. Yet, Lawrence, bruised from the breakup, doesn’t want to face his truth about himself. Instead, he resists against his truth and does the only thing a man with a broken ego can do: hurt someone else.
At the strip club, Lawrence and Issa talk. He agrees to come home for the weekend and they both agree to talk once Issa got home from Malibu. He even said that he missed her! Yet, when Issa returns to the apartment she’s only left with his best buy shirt and an empty room. He knew he was leaving Issa and going to smash the “ChaseHoe” aka Tasha. Everything he did in those last few hours was to hurt Issa.
I do not believe it is right to do something just to hurt someone who hurt you. If we look back, the situation surrounding Issa’s infidelity was much different. She had decided from day 1 that she wanted to f*ck Daniel. In the first episode, her desire to smash Daniel was fueled by an unfulfilling relationship. She quickly realized that was wrong and didn’t sleep with him (yet). Later in the season, Issa and Lawrence’s relationship got better, but she still had that “itch” for Daniel’s eggplant. However, when she finally decided to spread those legs on that filthy studio couch it was because she wanted too. She didn’t do it because she was unhappy with Lawrence or to hurt him. She did it in clear conscience — i.e. not revenge sex.
It’s f*cked up because she regretted her decision and it ultimately lead to the end of her relationship with Lawrence, but her intentions were never to hurt him. I believe no matter how perfect her relationship could have been, in every scenario, she still would have smashed Daniel because she truly desired to. Lawrence, however, made an intentional decision to hurt her.
When we make the intentional decision to hurt someone, we must rank that higher than someone simply acting on desire. I’m not excusing Issa’s behavior, but we must be critical about how our desires are complex and may not fit the heteronormative relationship structure. Yes, Issa should have talked to her partner about her sexual desires before she smashed Daniel. Yes, she should have disclosed the infidelity sooner. We all make mistakes. But does causing pain warrant reciprocity? Should Lawrence inflict pain because he received it? I say no.
To hurt someone intentionally because they hurt you is insidious and Lawrence is wrong for it.